"Remember When...?" The Value of Reminiscing

All people reminisce. Remembering times past is a pleasant diversion, stimulates the mind, and helps give us perspective and a sense of who we are. 

Reminiscing is especially important to older adults—in a sense, you could say it is part of their job, the important process of what we call "life review." As they not only recall their accomplishments, but also come to terms with old conflicts and disappointments, seniors achieve a heightened sense of personal identity and meaning in life.

Reminiscing also enhances self-esteem. Studies suggest that older adults who are encouraged to share events from their lives with others demonstrate an increased sense of peace and self-worth. We all have a lifelong need to see ourselves as unique individuals, and the recollection of pleasant experiences, past accomplishments, and triumphs over adversity is part of this.

Reminiscing can be an important tool for socialization. Think about what happens when you first make a friend: you spend much time "filling each other in" on your life history—who you are and have been, where you have lived, who is important in your life. We share with each other the "credentials" of our lives, entertaining each other with that collection of anecdotes we all like to tell, and finding connection through similar experiences—that familiar "yes, that happened to me, too!" feeling. For seniors who live in an assisted living or care facility, or are receiving at home senior care, sharing memories allows staff to get to know the person better by learning about their life stories and accomplishments.

Many older adults also find common ground with younger relatives by sharing events from when they themselves were younger. Children often enjoy hearing stories about youthful adventures and pranks, connecting with the senior through similar experiences. We all feel the need to pass on for safekeeping the history we have witnessed, and the recollections of older adults are an important legacy.

Reminiscing can be especially important for cognitively impaired persons. Those with Alzheimer's disease or related disorders often recall long-past occasions better than the events of the day. Long-term memory is affected less than is short-term, so interactions involving the recollection of events past can have a positive effect on the person's emotional well-being.

Why Does My Relative Repeat the Same Stories?

Sometimes family member and friends are concerned if their loved one repeats stories, returning to the same ones again and again. This, too, is part of the life review process; the repeated stories are probably those that the person finds the most pleasant to recall, or may concern events that he or she is "working through." Remember that a response from you is not necessarily required—your loved one may just need you to listen in a non-judgmental manner.

Sometimes an older loved one may seem to dwell upon life experiences that cause sadness, anger or frustration. Recognize that this too is a way of dealing with the past and can be a sign of emotional health.  Allow these feelings to come out, and don't try to suppress such expressions by immediately attempting to cheer your loved one up. But if he or she seems "stuck" in a particular disturbing experience or time, speaking to your loved ones healthcare provider might be a good idea. 

Encouraging the Sharing of Memories

A multisensory approach can be helpful for encouraging reminiscing, using such "jump starts" as photographs, music, smells, and things to be touched. In addition, visitors can encourage reminiscence by asking questions beginning with "Tell me about the time...."  You might encourage your loved one to talk about childhood, school days, courtship, experiences during the Depression and wartime years, or other important life events. Consider helping senior loved ones write, record, or even videotape their autobiography, a meaningful task that provides the satisfaction of knowing that the two of you are producing an artifact that will be valued by generations to come.